Stories about merchants or cunning merchant
32 The Legend of the Martians
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Stories about merchants or cunning merchant
Author :canisvulpes
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32 The Legend of the Martians


Again disconnected the landline phone. This is a common phenomenon, as the phone is disconnected or games start with it, this means that the clan-men are making their show again, the alien thought. Yes, it means that they still found out that I was from another planet ?!

Once a long time, eleven years ago, when I was still working at an astrophysical center, I ran into a corridor with a colleague who said, looking at him:

- You, not ours!

- I feel that you flew in from another planet, it is hostile to us!

- Watch out!

Yes, he thought then, he is revealed or does it play envy in his colleague. Recently, he received just a grant for the project, became the supervisor of the topic and he was invited to an internship in Helsinki for a whole year!

Less than a month later, they silently fired, they switched the topic to themselves and someone else went to Helsinki. True, he was turned back there, saying that they had invited a specialist from another. He left not so good at it. Grant stalled six months later. But that's another story.

In the hardware store, a dismissed alien noticed, he followed the tail, he was clearly visible. So, again, someone, something is not right, they didn't think so, he didn't, somewhere said and again history repeats itself ... It has already been a year, two, three, five, six, ten, fifteen years ago. Nothing has changed, but he thought that he was finally left alone. It seems - not a public person, not a tycoon, not an oligarch, not a politician, not a businessman. And not a certified specialist. Not passed for reasons that he is from another planet. Alien. This catches the eye immediately! He did not know this at first ...

Therefore, he was depressed and the topic, direction, business, idea, and life itself. Alien has survived the last fifteen years on planet Earth. He did not live with his whole soul, he hid in the bunker on a bald mountain for the first five years, and he was blown to pieces after a direct hit by a super rocket. After he waited for the frequent attacks of people in gray in DotA, but got to him.

Then he went to the bunker ... but as you can guess, he did not last long. In the end, he was forced to go to the people ... and found that the world has changed in the last fifteen, ten, five years ... it is already completely different. But not the one when he crashed on his plate for research on a third planet from the Sun. Too carried away with the research of world change in the last couple of billions of years, he came too close to recent history. And bang flew his engine. He sent the signal "SOS", but no one flew in from his planet. He did not know that she, his planet already as two thousand years ago, was destroyed ... the remnants of the colonists moved to the HZEG planet ... but they could not reach the third planet from the Sun. Financing his galactic center froze, and the staff was sent to the farm. And over time, just forgot about it. Such researchers were hundreds of thousands scattered across different galaxies, which no one remembered.

On the third planet from the Sun, for the first time decades of its acclimatization, a surprisingly sublime atmosphere reigned. High culture was in fashion, spiritual values ​​were propagated, people did not look at money as an idol. All were educated, had a higher education, could read a thousand poems by various authors of both antiquity and modernity. Showed sensitivity and attention even to strangers. And he is an alien, could very well fit into this world, where researchers could communicate in the same language with the people of Earth.

Nobody climbed into the soul, did not want to control the way of thinking, people were given free to express what they thought.

But now the world has begun to change ... the modern times have come ... and the people, the society, the world has transformed into an era of savagery and an extreme degree of barbarism. High spiritual values ​​went into oblivion, money, power, influence came out on top. He was right the one who is stronger. And indeed, the planet has become hostile not only to aliens, but also to humans themselves. It was difficult to live, to survive too.

However, changes were on the horizon and it was already easier to live than to survive. It became easier to breathe, the world changed again, the grayness was leaving, new colors were blossoming. Hope has come! And it means a lot in the world!

Nevertheless, he was surprised to find that spying on him only intensified, he thought, I wonder what this is all about? But there was no answer ...

Head of the control of aliens. Received a report from the service of surveillance of the object A0010.

"From 8:30 to 10:30 I sat in the laboratory, solved the Maxwell equation ...

From 10:30 to 11:05 drank tea with the professor, they talked about the history of Europe, in particular about the work of Spengler and Toynbee.

From 11:05 to 14:30, I was engaged in writing a technical project on the subject of the grant.

From 14:30 to 17:30 I was engaged in sending three of my publications to the electronic archive.

At 17:30 I left the laboratory building, went an unusual route.

Jumped into the market at 18:00. He stayed there more than usual, at 18:10 an external surveillance officer was sent to his store, he confirmed that the object had not gone through the back door. At 18:25, the object was purchased - two blankets, one spray of building silicone, three meters of white waffle linen, two meters eighty centimeters of colored waffle linen and two meters of super satin.

I went on foot, followed by a chain of seven people ...

At 19:00 came home. On the way, did not meet with anyone.

I went to the minimarket only at 6:45 pm, I left at 6:46 pm. It turned out that the object did not have enough money to buy bread and cheese ...

From 19:00 to 02:00 the light in the house was on. "

The alien, regretfully looked at the bank card, oh, the professors have not transferred, and I am delaying cash payments. Yes, the bedspreads were too expensive, although I could get a 10 percent discount, but look at the bread was not enough.

Well, okay, at home there is an onion, a carrot is one and in the freezer is beef broth. That dinner will prepare. And instead of bread, come and dried loaf.

Life on the third planet from the Sun slowly went into hibernation, he went to the side. Meanwhile, a car was on duty under his windows, suddenly an alien would make a breakthrough ?! Need to be on the alert! All his movements were in control. Although, the head of the department was a little concerned, but what if that alien can teleport? What to do then? Such technologies for people, as he was told in the management department, will be available only after 28 years ...

The alien could not teleport, his device for this purpose crashed during a forced landing, he was almost like an earthling, only more unfit for life, where all moral values ​​were reduced to zero. And he lived well only those who knew how to be "Xiǎojīn." This is a special gift that was inherited from the inhabitants of the Earth, alas, He was from another planet ...

But in this he also found funny moments, good material for exploring the new world in which he now lived ...


Strange people are you Earthlings ?! After all, you have such a beautiful planet, how much is tasty and healthy! You mow each other, roll up into concrete, do not allow you to develop useful topics for the economy. It's like you from Earthlings, there is such a saying - if another gets twice as much, then take out one eye for me! Here is your nature! Nobody thinks about the benefits!

Or, here are some, some strange people come across, from your Earthlings, already have a house with a good repair, a car, a yacht, and everyone continues to deceive and try to mislead. Desire, desire above moral qualities.

So I remember in the last century, people talked more about the soul, about culture, about language development, and now ... money, money.

Hardly anyone will have money, will he repair the trip abroad to the resort, in order to help someone from his family, then the applicants will immediately run in ... help?

Where have you been before? When did a person need help himself? They were not there. Everything would be used for free ... Deceive, steal ...

What do you have at Earthlings, such strange services in the service, I'm talking about utilities.

Once - you can not refuse them!

Two - they are dragged to the court for them and withdraw money for non-existent debts!

Three - you pay money for public services but it does not reach the organization's electronic database, and who is to blame?

Right or wrong, the client of this "magic" service. Four - still spoils the nerves and time is wasting! And what's all chic, you have something else and a market economy. So, you want you can choose another service provider and even abandon them ... But no, you can't do that. Voluntarily - forced monopoly. The client pays a lot of money so that he will be provided with mediocre services and his money was robbed and dismissed. No one even understands that this is a service? !!! And this is what you have on Earth, fill up.

Where not to spit, everywhere some thin places. For example, I'm a professor, I should receive my surcharge at the end of the month, but it's not, because there is no money in the bank ... This is nonsense! There is no money in the Bank!

Or here's another incident, I get my salary on an electronic bank card. I am going to buy a thing, a product, and they tear up money from me more than if I bought for cash. It turns out that they count me not at the state exchange rate, but at the exchange rate! There, it's like!

If you pay cash, then give a discount of fifteen percent! This is my money, my salary! How do I give the employer so I cry! It turns out they heat me up many times. Therefore, I probably do not have enough of my salary for a full and serene life. Although, of course, it all depends on your place of stay ... in some countries this is not, but there is something worse. It is so to say the right to choose. But in the zoo, somewhere in your world, they took a living lion in front of the children and cut it, then repeated the same trick with an elephant. You are wild people, what can I say!

These unconventional orientations of something has become much, new formats, soon to be ordinary, traditional will not be normal.

You come to the company, you say there is a request, you have done the work just now, and it is done in one place, your masters, their hands grow lower than the back. Need to discuss how to fix. In the office of the company they say - you go ... But what about the contract, the guarantee? What silence ... Is there an e-mail? No, we only have telegrams! Amazing phenomena. The era replaces the gadgets one by one. But what about the high level of service, which was heard in advertising? Aah ... it seems that all the companies on Earth have one taste, the same as public service ... Money tears up, and then they start to scoff. This is a peculiar masochism of Earthlings, to pay money so that they could also be denounced for it.

Well, I learned a lot while I lived on Earth. And where better not understand? Where the salary is paid on time, where its electronic or cash form does not affect the quality and value of the goods, where it is more comfortable to live, but there are all sorts of subtle points and limitations, of course unspoken. Or live where everything is difficult in everyday life. Find the right thing, the most simple, such as butter for hair clippers, white sheets, saffron, golden thyme, agar-agar in the supermarket is impossible. Because there is nothing there. It needs to know the places where it can be found. But they are not in one place, but spread all over the city.

In general, of course, living on your Earth is much more intriguing and more entertaining than ours in a stable, calm, well-fed planet!

Welcome to Earth! Fun and unforgettable impressions of everyday everyday life are provided for you here, my dear aliens!


Our environmentalists being under juniper hallucinogenic tincture began to carry complete nonsense, nonsense and nonsense. World anti-environmental backstage, keeps all the media in one hand and therefore they "filter" the news, they create a news feed to their liking. Therefore, these two-faced "they" do not allow information on the global climate crisis to pass on to news broadcasts. There is a world trend, air temperature does not rise by 1.5 degrees, but all 4! This means rising sea levels, decreasing sunny days, changing groundwater levels, breaking cycles in agriculture, economic disasters! You are stupid fool, do not understand anything !!!

- Of course, of course, you are absolutely right!

Foresters said.

Who in their right mind will argue with schizo.

The next morning, the sober ecologists, confusedly began to gather quickly, checking the state of the forest, meadows, they decided to do it some other time. It was not convenient for them to stay with the foresters ...

One of the environmentalists took a flower out of a bag and gave a goodbye to foresters. Three black jeep quickly drove back to the city.

The foresters looked at each other and smiled cheerfully. We drove checking!

But the flower was not easy. In addition to the remote transmitter "bugging" color itself had a double meaning.

As a positive one, such as "belief in oneself" and a negative "energy vampire", if it dried out, then the person would die in the house.

At that, the foresters laughed. Here are these environmentalists - schizo, they believe in all nonsense, black magic, despite the fact that they themselves have the power, influence, money, unlimited. So also believe in every heresy!

We have here and cacti dry, and you're talking about tiny flowers, say something!

We drink pure alcohol medical and nothing! All the same, excessive education spoils people, like hedonism, they are in some areas divorced from ordinary people ...

Environmentalists ... returning to the spaceship, threw off the human form and turned into a comfortable amebic state of the green little men plunged into a bank of birch brew and sent an autopilot to Mars. The mission of hanging noodles to people and pulling out of them gradually information and vital energy was successfully completed. They are joyful and drunk flew to his home.

Foresters removing their human form ...


Environmentalists came to check in the reserve, foresters set ... they drank, but not like in the city wisely, set up ... but how they came ... apparently clean air broke all their seals ... they were still juniper tea washed down. Savages !!!

They also remembered green men, not those who roam the Path, but those who live on Mars and call them Martians. They love birch sap and after it philosophize on various topics.

One has diabetes, blood sugar has 12 units, and he has 200 grams of vodka twice a week to prevent and improve the tone of life. People are all weird on Earth on earth.

The other one, an intellectual, all admired the Mercanians, this and that, and now, he writes angry remarks every day, 30-40 at a time, under their magazines about economics and politics. Troll pay? No, he gets paid for it, not so much, but there is enough for cigarettes, bread and butter, and good cheese. And what's up to admiration, you can not buy cheese on it.

Another handsome man - let's breakthroughs all shouted, well, the men gathered, they thought and came up with a new method of how to drive the moonshine out of thin air. Profit awesome, money can be made out of nothing ... and handsome, now they do not even notice. They, too, do not raise the buzu, as they are constantly kvass and walk under a fly.

Eh, Earthlings ... something is wrong with you ...

No, to deal with the business, plant the birch trees, drive out of them 75% alcohol, environmentally friendly, moreover! And sell for export to us on Mars. That would be all zashib! And so it is necessary for us, to dangle for you, how much kerosene you burned ... and nowhere to go, without birch alcohol, we can't begin to philosophize and talk to the stars, but not to squirrels.

You are Martians, Martians ... and what will you be? Weakly here to us, dangle every Sunday for a drink? Aah ... People do you hear us ????

... yes, juniper tea is still a strong thing, look at how unhappy these ecologists are talking to themselves ... about some Martians and earthlings ... should drink less!

Then you will be like a frog in the well ... and everybody strives to eat the meat of a swan!

Come to your senses, you people!

Foresters were shocked! Environmentalists have not recovered.

In the morning they were gone, only concentric circles remained in the meadow.


Green men once again flew in, left their vessel in a small forest in a clearing, dressed in the form of people. They began to look exactly like environmentalists. And they went to hangover to their eternal "vets .." friends, foresters. Yes, as always, there was enough excess, they were mixed with the truth serum into birch alcohol, and the juniper tincture was dropped.

Well, those certainly and unlucky. They began to drive the snowstorm, but to conceal their thoughts, so futile that the foresters had their fists itched.

Environmentalists have developed their hails and how they began to explain:

- "We" of their excellencies "live in their own world, in the clouds. They control the mortal world. They can give one flow of information, they can limit it. If they have a desire, they can make them wealthy or, on the contrary, plunge them into poverty. mode of "pressure" and may be the mode of "favored".

- You say, true, freedom, looking for something where there is none. You all walk like ants under our feet, who we want to crush, and who is interesting to us, we will give them a honey drop.

- We are omnipotent! The world is with us, and all the elite of the Earth! And who are you? You are simple people, of whom billions and they are not sorry, can always be replaced by another.

Meritocracy is everything, the most intelligent, talented, energetic will control the mass of you, the ants. You are only fit to be led by the masses. And we are hedonists, we are your masters and our world! So work thin sun still high, grow more birch trees, chase more moonshine and give us "!

Here are the steel huntsmen:

"Hey, why the hell are you ecologists here?" "Drive some kind of snowstorm, eh? What kind of nonsense and nonsense?

... and the three-storey mate went further ... cursing, shouting, strikes rained down. On that and the conversation of two civilizations is over.

It is the morning of the next day ...

... The environmentalists flew off to Mars with fagings on the morning sobering up, on ameba-like bodies glowing in green, there were clearly visible some purple stains.

Yes, you need to be able to drink, noticed green little men and not to drive a blizzard to everyone, will they not understand?

Will definitely not understand!


deyati - speak


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